Angie

In the late summer of 1992 I was working third shift at a local convenience store. My last serious girlfriend had ended almost nine months before. I was burned out on dating. My relationships seemed to end in glorious disasters. I vowed not to look for anymore relationships for quite a while.
So of course Angie would walk into my life.
I have a vivid memory of almost every first meeting in my life. I still remember the first time I met George and Mark. I remember meeting every girlfriend I ever had. For some reason those certain moments burned themselves into my memory at the time.
So it's with great sadness that I say I have no memory of meeting the woman who would become my wife. It's almost like when she appeared she had always been there.
What I do remember is this beautiful tall dark haired young girl coming into the store early in the morning on her way to work. We would talk and laugh. As time went on she came in earlier and earlier, and would stay later and later.
Finally I got the nerve to ask her out.
It was on our second date I kissed her for the first time. (trust me, that was a lot of restraint for me back then) I "tricked" into kissing me by the age old method of asking her how tall she was. When she told me (almost 6 feet) I pretended to not believe her. "Come here and stand next to me and prove it", I said. When she did I kissed her.
Once we started dating it was if we had been together forever. I remember during Halloween that year we were shocked when we realized it was less then two months that we had been together.
In December of that year she took me out for dinner for my birthday. During that dinner there was a moment when I thought to myself, "I want to marry this woman." It was one of those feeling that seemed to want to burst out of me. Angie would tell me later on that she knew when I was thinking that. Later that night I asked her.
She said yes.
Writing this now almost twelve years later it's hard to put into words my feelings for her. We were 10 years apart in age, yet unless someone brought it up we never thought about it.
A month after I asked her to marry me, she told me she was going to have a baby. After my initial panic, I became very happy.
A baby.
I was going to grow up finally. Even when Ethan came into this world 2 and a half months early my happiness didn't diminish. I remember sitting in my living room holding Ethan, watching my girlfriend make her own wedding dress ("Honey, now that will be done in time for the wedding right?") thinking to myself, "How the heck did this happen? I've got a family now."
Early on it was apparent to anyone who knew us that I was the guy who came up with the crazed schemes, while my wife was the very practical one who could do anything. She could make corncob jelly, and install the new toilet. She knew how to fix a car, and how to fish. She loved boxing as much as I did. She even helped me sort my comic books on occasion.
And she always knew how to make me feel very very loved.
And did I mention she was drop dead beautiful?
I couldn't have been happier.
Not that I was always the perfect husband, but I tried. I would do the cooking, I would plan the nights out. I would always make sure to let her know how much I loved her.
There was only two things that seemed to bother me.
One was her family.
I'll be honest. Her Mom's side seemed to have some serious inbreeding issues that scared my socks off. I'll just give you two examples. Her mom's live in boyfriend used to be the police chief of the small town I worked for.
"Used to", because he was caught stealing from the people he was supposed to protect. He was arrested and sent to jail. But because he was a former police officer, he only got a year for what he did.
The other example would be Uncle Junior and his wife Mary Ann. They lived in the middle of no where. The first time I went there I was shocked to find that even though the concept of the in door toilet had occurred to the Romans over two thousand years ago, Uncle junior had yet to think of it. So when Junior had to go, he took his 5 foot 5 inch 450+ pound frame 100 yards from his farm house to some outhouse that looked like it had been there for 100 years.
I have a hard enough time going to the restroom at other people's house when it's in an actual house. The concept of going to that outhouse buzzing with flies after Juniors little visit froze my insides.
So I would try (sometimes in vain) to find excuses not to go every time their annual July 4th get together would happen. I actually found myself volunteering to work on those nights.
Also the first time I was there Junior threw a firecracker under the lawn chair I was sitting in holding my less than two month old son. When it went off, it scared my son horribly. I screamed at Junior, (something to the extent of "I hope you die you fat F$^%er !") and left. From the pig like noises he made Junior thought this was very funny.
The other thing that bothered me about my wife was she had a way of making me feel like a geek.
I love movies. As time went on she kept making more and more excuses not to go with me to movies. When Ethan and I would pop in one of the Star Wars movies on video she would make a funny noise and leave the room.
"Where ya going honey?", I would ask.
"I've seen these before", would be her reply.
"But it's Star Wars. You can never see these movies too much."
My wife would look at me and say with much love in her voice, "You are such a geek."
Ethan would only nod.
But all in all I was a very lucky guy. I had a great son, and a wife whom my friends envied me for having.
What could go wrong?

The Empire Strikes Back...and So does Mark

The spring of 1980 found me back in school of in all places Annawan. We had moved to the small town of Atkinson for about 18 months. While there Dad began to build what would one become the Good Shepard Foundation. I began to become increasingly bitter about moving all the time. Atkinson was now the 6th school I intended. I was only in 7th grade.
Then just as I began to settle in my Dad told me we were once again moving. Only this time we were moving BACK to a town I had already gone to. And we weren't moving In the town but rather a mile or so outside. Dad had gotten us a job at a private park called the 40&8. We would be the caretakers of the place. Dad would still be an Alcohol and Drug Counselor, but Mom and the rest of the kids would run the park.
For once moving wasn't a bad thing. I finished out 8th grade in Annawan, and soon experienced my first summer at the park. Even before it was over I was hooked. I wanted to live there forever.
So in 1980 when my second summer rolled around I was more than ready. There's something about having girls swimming in your backyard that makes a teenage boy appreciate what life has given him.
I was also very excited about the Star Wars sequel coming out. I had bought the book already and read it. All my friends in Annawan were pretty excited about it too.
When Dad took me and my friend Eric to see it I was blown away. It was the perfect movie for me at the time. It was a little dark and the good guys just wanted to survive the movie. When it was over I was upset that I would have to wait another three years for the conclusion.
As my Dad drove Eric and I back to the park he made a comment that forever sealed his reputation as a mean dude.
"I don't see why everyone thinks Darth Vader is such a bad a guy. I mean he's only doing his job."
"Huh?" was all Eric could say.
"Honestly some people are given tough jobs and they just have to do it. I like the fact he wasn't whining all the time about it. We could have used more people like him when I was in the Marines."
Eric looked at me and muttered, "Man your Dad actually admires Darth Vader?"
"Yeah. I think they are kinderd spirits." Dad's attitude didn't surprise me in the least.
Eric was so weirded out he asked if Dad could drop him off in Annawan. So Dad left me at the park while he drove Eric home. I walked into the Park office and saw my Mom talking to some guy about renting canoes. The guy had a son about my age. He looked pretty bored so I motioned to him to go outside. We ended up on the front steps. I of course had to brag that I had just seen The Empire Strikes Back. He was of course impressed.
We had talked for a few moments when it became clear that we knew each other.
In point of fact it became clear that we were once friends.
"Mark?", I asked.
mark Morrell, my once and future best friend looked at me and said, "Tom? How long have you lived here?"
"For about a year or so. I used to live in Atkinson. Didn't George tell you?" George was our common best friend.
"No he didn't say anything." (When reached for comment as to why he didn't tell Mark where I lived his reply was a terse ,"You didn't ask.")
Shortly it seemed like Mark and I had never been apart. Soon he was coming out with George to spend the night or go camping. It's been over 24 years since then and he's still my best friend.
So once again seeing a Star Wars movie led to only good things in my life. Once again it gave me only happy memories.
Of course if I had known what Star Wars would one day bring me I would have went running straight over the hills, screaming into the woods when Dad asked me if I wanted to go and see the movie.

Star Wars

In the summer of 1977 I lived in the small town of Annawan. Annawan has had a fairly consistent population of 800 people or so for the last 50 years. It's a small town divided by a main street with railroad tracks running though the middle. We lived close to the main street.
I hated it there at first. When we moved from Kewanee at the end of the summer of 1976, I was very upset. Not only did I lose all the friends I had made during the last 2 and half years in Kewanee but I also lost my beloved dog Duke. At 12 years of age I found myself listening to the soundtrack ,"Snoopy Come Home" and imagining my dog coming around the block.
But by the end of that school year I had made a few new friends and even better, my best friend George would come visit and spend the night on a fairly regular basis. (Yet somehow forgetting to tell Mark this.) That summer I also discovered comics. I had always read them before, but somehow with the help of my new friend Tim I Really Discovered Them. Tim had what at the time passed for a great collection. During the course of that summer we made a deal. I would loan him a few Doc Savage books to read and in return I could read many of his comics. In order to get to his new house I had to ride my bike over newly asphalted railroad tracks. To this day when I smell hot asphalt I think of comics.
Also that summer my brother Geno worked at K-Mart. Sometime during May they had many bags of mini candy bars expire. Geno was asked to take them out and dump them. Of course Geno took the 20 or 30 bags of milky ways and Three Musketters to his car. The next night he took an equally large number home as well. Imagine my surprise when I opened the large freezer Mom had in the basement to get some hamburger to find a King's ransom in candy. Geno told me they were his and I couldn't have any. I of course showed Mom and Dad. Dad told Geno that anything in his house was his and therefore the candy bars were now his to be shared with the family. Geno was not happy.
Mom and Dad, Rose, John, myself and every friend we had were thrilled. It took us all summer to eat our way though that freezer. Of course by the end of it I could stand those types of candy bars and try never to eat them if I can.
My main hobby that summer (indeed the whole last year since we moved to Annawan) was building model ships. I had a vast fleet in my basement that consisted of American, German, and Japanese vessels from world war two. I even had a few English ships. (no French ships however.) Vast amounts of my time were spent in the basement eating candy bars and putting some final touches on my fleet.
Sometime in early June my Uncle Tim came over with his new girlfriend and said something that at the time amounted to treason to me.
"I saw that new Star Wars movie. It's better than Star Trek."
I looked at Tim with narrow eyes and said in a cold voice, "I don't like that kinda of talk around me."
Tim persisted. "No it really cool with al these space battles, and these bad guys in white armor called Stormtroopers who.."
I cut Tim off. "Stormtroopers are Nazi soldiers. Not some sort of space thing. There's no way it could be better than Star Trek. Star Trek had 79 episodes to get the characters right. This .....thing has only two." With that I went back upstairs to my room and read a comic book. All the while I remember thinking, "Tim's nuts."
So when a few weeks later Dad wanted to take me to see Star Wars I was a little unsure. I enjoyed my movie days with Dad greatly. But I wasn't sure if I wanted to see some stupid movie that people were saying was better than my favorite show. However I really didn't have a choice. Besides I always liked driving with Dad the 40 miles to the Showcase cinemas. So I grabbed a few Milky Way bars and jumped in Dad's red Mustang convertible and we drove off. It was a beautiful day. Clear blue skies, with just the right amount of coolness in the breeze.
I was still unsure what to think about this movie when it started. After the first two minutes I was hooked. First there was the dramatic way the title came on the screen. Then before I could catch my breath a star cruiser filled the screen chasing a smaller ship.
For the next two hours I was entranced. Even before it ended I was sure this was the single greatest two hours I had ever spent. When it ended I asked Dad if I could see it again. Dad looked at me like I was insane. (but to be honest he did that even if I asked for a glass of water) On the way home I kept reliving the movie over and over again in my head. When we stopped to get gas I saw the gas station was selling the comic book adaptation in a three pack bundle. I pleaded with Dad until he broke down and bought it for me. When we got home Dad asked me if I had a good time. I told him it was the greatest day in my life. (I again got a ,"he's insane", look from Dad)
That day was a seminal moment in my life. My love of fantasy was sealed. I began collecting comics in ernest. I still loved Star trek. But Star Wars was now my favorite. I spent many hours laying in the back yard staring up at the stars , and pretending I was Luke. In Darth Vader I had finally saw a screen character to whom I could compare my Father to. (Imagine my delight years later when I found out he was Luke's Father.)
What I didn't know, what I couldn't know was that my Dad had just planted the first of many seeds that would one day grow and help cause my divorce.

Censorship

In the late morning hours of Tuesday January 20th, the long brewing problems between my wife and I broke open. I found out that she wanted to divorce me. My wife went from being my wife to a cold and seemingly unfeeling person at the drop of a hat.
She insisted that she did not have a boyfriend. She swore it was for "different" reasons. Later that night after she went to work I found out the truth and what had been happening. It was so bizarre my mind had a hard time actually accepting it as reality. I spent the next few hours in deep panic mode.
My wife had counted on the fact that I would panic and not react well. She thought that I would do everything she asked and that the divorce would honestly be over in around 30 days.
Boy was she wrong.
Within 24 hours I had an attorney of my own. I fought for my kids and my home. Six weeks later I tricked my wife in leaving the house and never her let her back in. Three weeks after that we went to court for temporary custody. She showed up by herself.
I showed up with my family and friends. 12 people in all. I would have had more (three times as many.) but there wasn't enough time to assemble them before the hearing.
My wife's attorney found out for the first time the bizarre facts behind my divorce. As the hearing went on he looked more and more uneasy and finally ended the hearing staring at his yellow legal pad and trying to mumble some words in her defense.
The Judge gave me the kids and the house in a ruling for temporary custody.
Sadly my divorce only became more bizarre from that point out.
So why am I writing this? I have another blog that I've been writing for quite some time. Why not write this there?
I'll tell you why.
On Friday January 23rd 2004, mere days after all this crap began , I wrote one of my best post ever. It dealt with my feelings and thoughts about what had been going on. I spoke of my feelings of betrayal and my thoughts for what I was going to do. I spoke of what I planned to do to my wife. (all legal. Don't worry. I'm not stupid enough to put anything bad in print.) I spoke of my wife's new boyfriend. (or should I say husband.) When I was done I looked at it with a feeling of self satisfaction.
I went to bed (or should I say couch) and slept soundly. My wife came home at four that morning from work. She son woke me up as she tore the house apart. She was in deep panic mode (one can tell these things after 10 years of a happy marriage.) and looking for a pack of cigarettes. We of course had none. I did what any caring person would do and ignored her.
The next morning I went upstairs to dress and found my bedroom door locked. 33 seconds later after I picked the lock I entered the bedroom and found she had also locked me out of my computer.
"Hmmmmmm.", I thought. "She must have read my blog."
I took my kids to school and went to my sisters and checked it out. Not only had she read it she had deleted the entry I posted the night before.
Now I was pissed.
I called my attorney and after I explained the problem (I believe the First admendment was brought up a few times.) he called her attorney. My computer was unlocked and my blog was returned to me.
after writing my blog for almost a year I had begun to find it a source of comfort. I could write down thoughts that I needed to sort out or even just for a way to blow off steam. Now I found it denied me. I could still write about the divorce I knew. But all it do would set my wife off.
And I didn't want that.
I don't work like that. I work a bit more sneaky. I wanted my wife to fall back into a level of being comfortable with me. I wanted her to trust me.
And I just couldn't do that while writing a blog everyday with titles like, "Angie has gone even more Insane Part 53" . So I smiled and told her in even cool tones, "Don't worry. I won't say anything bad about you in my blog."
I wanted to choke on the bile coming up in my throat.
A few weeks ago I made a passing reference to her ...Boyfriend. She became very upset. Weeks of work almost went down the tube. She yelled at me, "I thought you said you weren't going to write any more blasphemous crap about him or me!?"
"But honey," I said (Yup I still call her honey. Sick isn't it.) " You have to be a God for it to be blasphemy."
So I'm stuck with wanting, needing, to write about something, yet not being able to because I need for my wife to trust me, while I divorce her. And I just can't wait or hold it in until this damn divorce is over with anymore. Writing my blog has become very tiresome. I still want to write it for the reasons I say in it, but right now I need to write this stuff down before I explode.
Then the answer came to me.

I'll start a new blog.
One my wife knows nothing about. I can get this stuff out and not set my wife off into orbit while trying to settle this divorce. So if a post happens to start in say 1977 don't worry. It has something to do with my divorce now.
Trust me.
So Welcome to Even More Drivel. (the censored stuff.)